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2007-03-23 Life's a lie.
Quoted from
http://lolaknows.blog-city.com/the_opposite_of_love_is_.htm
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference ... " ~ Elie Wiesel
I don't know for sure who this quote was aimed at, I'm not an authority on Mr. Wiesel, and I'm certainly no authority on love. But I wonder if it's possible to apply his quote to romantic relationships?
There's been a plethora of wise words (and more than a few dripping with sarcasm) wrtten on the subject of love and marriage, in fact the internet is polluted with them. There's poetry and prose, words of counsel and encouragement, jokes and jingles, and then there are the simple words of utter truth such as the above quote by Elie Wiesel. And it's got me pondering the whole matter of love, and more importantly, does love have to give way to indifference?
We meet someone, we get to know them, become attracted to them, and if that attraction's more than just skin deep, we may even fall in love. For some it happens at a glance, for others it's the gradual feelings of caring, concern and commitment that develop over months, even years. For me the attraction started with a 5 hour conversation and reached a peak with poetry under the September sun. In the space of little more than six weeks I'd met, gotten to know, and had begun falling in love with the man's who's now my husband.
Loving someone changes you. It challenges you to think bigger than "I", to step outside your comfort zone, to imagine the possible, to protect what's precious. It can also make you question everything you ever thought you believed in, including your concept of trust.
The first time love (and loving someone) lets you down it stings. After you get past the initial hurt and anger, you promise yourself you'll do it differently next time, assuming there is a next time. And the very next time love lets you down again, the very same feelings of anger and hurt come rushing back, this time often accompanied by their faithful companion: self-doubt. You ask yourself: "what did I do wrong?" and "where did I fail"? Sometimes you come up with the answer, sometimes the answer is that YOU didn't do anything wrong, and YOU didn't fail ... the other party was just an asshole, egomaniac, liar, all of the above. And again you swear you'll do things differently next time.
For me, my first foray into love was with a sweet boy who I saw as being far too good for me. Smart, funny, an excellent athelete and an adorable blond, he was every high school girls crush and dream. So why me I wondered? It certainly couldn't be that I was the cutest girl in school (I wasn't), or the most popular (not even close) or even smart (C average). So what on earth could have made this adonis even look at me a second time? I never asked, he never said. But he was the sweetest first boyfriend a girl could ask for, and eventually I broke his heart. It would be years and years before we'd connect again as forty-somethings and I'd have the chance to apologize for hurting him as I had. He was still sweet.
My next foray into the land of love was with the worst possible candidate: the unavailable man ... mister married. I told myself it was just a little harmless flirting. I said that right up to the moment when he was screwing my brains out on his office sofa, which I later rationalized as simply an exercise of necessity: after all, all my girlfriends had lost their virginity, what the hell was I hanging onto mine for? Mr. Married and I carried on for two years during which time I was alternately hopeful, bored, lonely, frustrated, and back to hopeful. He never said he loved me, never promised me a future. But that didn't stop me from dreaming and hoping and blaming myself when it all blew up in my face.
In the early 80's when none of had heard the words HIV or AIDS, women and men could enjoy sex for the sake of sex without fear of deadly disease. I was no different than many women my age in that I too experienced the occasional "one night stand". If asked today what was so enticing about these men my only answer would be: they were men. I neither remember their names nor their faces. Perhaps that's not all bad. Experience is a great teacher.
My first long term relationship lasted five years. We met at a Christmas party. At the time I was both lonely and sad, and with the help of two wine coolers responded with dripping sarcasm to Santa Claus asking what I wanted for Christmas: "A husband, anyone's husband". Mr. Five Years was standing close by nursing a beer and overheard my words. He approached me, asked me to dance, made pithy remarks about the holidays and eventually saw me home. Experience had by now taught me the fine art of not rushing into things so his good night kiss was a chaste kiss on the cheek. The following evening he asked me to dinner and thus began in earnest our relationship.
Well into our third year together amid talk of marriage and "our future" he lost his job. Shortly thereafter came the collapse of the fascade he'd built to keep me (and the rest of the world) from seeing who he really was: a tortured soul with bi-polar disorder who'd been self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. I loved him. And so I convinced him to enter re-hab (for us ... a terrible reason if ever there was one) at my expense. Eventually I would put him through re-hab twice, make his rent and car payments repeatedly, give him access to my apartment, my credit cards, and my checking account, and finally kick his ass out. And then I swore off love. Who the hell needed it? I had a decent job, a comfortable home, a new car, and good and loving friends. I learned later that I also had an enormous amount of debt thanks to Mr. Five Years and decided I didn't need or want love and all the entanglements it carried with it. That mood lasted a little over two years.
Next came a relationship with someone I worked with. If ever there should be a rule about who NOT to get involved with, I'm voting for anyone you work with. When it ends (as it so often does) there's all that awkward silence when you cross paths, say, in the elevator or at the bosses Christmas party. Mr. New Relationship had told me he was "newly single", an expression I took to mean he'd been recently divorced. Six months later, while making love in his swimming pool, he let slip that in fact he was only separated ... his wife having run off with his best friend. How could he not have told me this? How could he have taken away my right to choose whether or not to date another married man? How could he be so cavalier about drawing someone in and using them, all to build up his own ego? Quickly collecting my poolside clothes I walked calmly though his house to my car in the driveway and drove out of his life for good. Three months after that I quit my job. Bumping into him every day was a painful reminder of my willingness to trust another man who'd been only too willing to stomp on my heart.
It was time to take a good long look at myself, an inventory of who I was, what I wanted for myself and how and why I'd allowed myself to be sucked into such disastrous relationships. Did I not know that I deserved better? Did I not think I was worth it? Did I have some deep seated need to punish myself for some imagined wrong? Or was I just a Pollyanna with bad judgement who was far too eager to trust the first smile that came my way? That was it. No more men! Not for sex, not for love, not for me. That promise lasted a couple of years. Years during which I got in touch with who I really was and what I really wanted and needed out of life. Years during which I enjoyed my friends more, renewed ties with my family, gained perspective on life and relationships of every kind, from co-worker relationships to romantic.
Had I not examined and fine-tuned my attitudes about relationships, I would have done one of two things: a) continued entering into dead-end, heart breaking, over-too-soon romances, or b) shut and locked my heart for good. They say time heals all wounds. I suppose that's true. Part of healing is growing in understanding. I now understand that the opposite of love is NOT hate, it truly is indifferent. Mr. Five Years hurt me physically, emotionally, and financially. In the end I couldn't hate him, instead I was indifferent to him. His needs no longer mattered, my survival mattered. Kicking him out was an act of self-love, not selfishness. Seeing Mr. Married every day after our break-up may have been uncomfortable, but I think he probably wondered if I'd say anything about his arrogance in neglecting to divulge his marital status and cheating. He neededn't have worried. As soon as I no longer had to see him in the elevator every day I became indifferent to him and his lies as well.
Today I'm married to a man I adore. A man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I man I would choose to love again and again. Someone I never want to be indifferent to. And yet I have my share of doubts; is my judgement sound after all these years? Was I single too long to learn to share my life completely? Can I really trust someone with my heart? These doubts are sometimes fleeting, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes frightening. But they're part of loving, part of me.
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2007-03-23 20:40:13 192 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-11-20 发现城市
到底发现些了什么.
还有多少可欣赏.
可是...
又要冷了...
还要起早!!! Darn Good!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-11-20 01:26:15 250 人阅读 5 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-10-13 孰能浊以静之徐清,孰能安以动之徐生
http://www.sinc.sunysb.edu/Clubs/buddhism/LaoZiTaShuo/015.htm
学点中文
前文提到“浑兮其著浊”，用来说明修道之士的“微妙玄通”，接着几句形容词，都是这个“通”字的解说。也就是从哪一方面来讲，都没有障碍。像个虚体的圆球，没有轮廓，却是面面俱到，相互涵摄。彻底而言，即是佛家所言“圆融无碍”。成了道的人，自然圆满融会，贯通一切，四通八达，了无障碍。而其外相正是“混兮其苦浊”，和我们这个混浊的世界上一群浑浑噩噩的人们，并无两样。
这不就说完了吗？不就已透露出“孰能浊以静之徐清，孰能安以动之徐生”所隐含的消息吗？现在更进一步，解释修道的程序与方法，作为更详细的说明。人的学问修养、身心状况，如何才能达到微妙玄通，深不可识的境界呢？只有一个办法，好好在混浊动乱的状态下平静下来，慢慢稳定下来，使之臻于纯粹清明的地步。以后世佛道合流的话来说，就是“圆同大虚纤尘不染”，不但一点尘埃都没有，即便连“金屑”，黄金的粉末也都找不着，务必使之纯清绝顶。
</PRE> 同时，我们还要认清一个观念。什么叫“浊”呢？佛学在《阿弥陀经》上有“五浊恶世”之说。因此，我们古代的文字，也常描写这个世界为“浊世”。例如形容一个年轻人很英俊潇洒，就说他是“翩翩浊世之佳公子也”，相当现在穿牛仔裤的年轻小伙子，长发披头，眼睛乌溜溜，东膘西膘，女孩子暗地里叫声“好帅”一样。
</PRE> 生长在世局纷乱，动荡不安的时代里，我们静的修养怎样能够做到呢？这相当困难，尤其现代人，身处二十世纪末叶，二十一世纪即将来临的时代。人类内在思想的紊乱，和外在环境的乱七八糟，形成正比例的相互影响，早已不是“浊世”一
词便能交待了事了。什么“交通污染”、“噪音污染”、“工业污染”、“环境污染”等等后患无穷的公害，又有谁能受得了？
</PRE> 因此，“孰能浊以静之徐清”，谁却能够在浊世中慢慢修习到身心清静？这在道家有一套经过确实验证的方法与功夫。譬如，一杯混浊的水，放着不动，这样长久平静下来，混浊的泥渣自然沉淀，终至转浊为清，成为一杯清水，这是一个方法。然而，由浊到静，由静到清，这只是修道的前三个阶段，还不行。更要进一步，“孰能安以”，也就同佛家所讲的修止修观，或修定的功夫，久而安于本位，直到超越时间空间的范围，然后才谈得上得道。
</PRE> 这等于儒家的曾子所著的《大学》注重修身养性的程序，“知止而后有定，定而后能静，静而后能虑，虑而后能得”是同一个路线，只是表达不同而已。如果我们站在道家的立场，看儒道两家的文化，可套句老子的话作结论：“此二者同出而
异名”。
动的哲学
然而，由浊起修，由静而清，由清而安，这还只是修道的一半，另一半“动之徐生”，才是更重要的。否则，那只不过是小乘的境界罢了。只管自己，未能积极济世，自己一个人躲到山上静坐一万年，那又与庞大的人群有何相干？因此，还得
“安以动之徐生”，由道体上起种种妙用。
</PRE> 此处的“动”，不是盲从乱动，不是浊世中人随波逐流的动，不是“举世多从忙里错”的乱动。世上许多人钻营忙碌了一辈子，究竟为谁辛苦为谁忙？到头来自己都搞不清楚。真正的动，是明明白白而又充满意义的“动之徐生”，心平气和，
生生不息。我们也可以说一句俏皮话，这就是老子的秘密法宝吧！老子把做工夫的方法，修养的程序与层次都说了，告诉你在静到极点后，要能起用、起动。动以后，则是生生不息，永远长生。佛家说“无生”，道家标榜“长生”，耶稣基督则用
“永生”，但都是形容生命另一重意义的生生不已。只是在老子，他却用了一个“徐生”来表达。
</PRE> “徐生”的涵义，也可说是生生不息的长生妙用，它是慢慢地用。这个观念很重要。等于能源一样，慢慢地用，俭省地用，虽说能源充满宇宙，永远存在，若是不加节制，乱用一通，那只是自我糟蹋而已。“动之徐生”，也是我们作人做事的法则。道家要人做一切事不暴不躁，不“乱”不“浊”，一切要悠然“徐生”，慢慢地来。态度从容，。冶然自得，千万不要气急败坏，自乱阵脚。这也是修道的秘诀，不一定只说盘腿打坐才是。作人做事，且慢一拍，就是道理。不过，太懒散的人不可以慢，应快两拍，否则本来已是拖拖拉拉要死不活，为了修道，再慢一拍，那就完了，永远赶不上时代，和社会脱了节。
</PRE>
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-10-13 15:02:21 352 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-10-12 Funeral-not too much to lose
Funeral-not too much to lose
My uncle's funeral.
I heard mom's hoarse throat.
They said that my brother couldn't even make a sound as he cried.
but
where's my sorrowness?
We gathered together around the round table , talking or laughing, speaking sth. unimportant,
and on the seventh day we burned hell money to uncle.
The next day I met another funeral right in the other side of the street.
His grandpa and he.
Purely different,
yet
the funeral.
I said hello.
He smiled back.
火车慢慢吞吞地走.
雨点划在窗玻璃上, 割裂了风景.
最近的我,很容易就推开一道门.
看到从前的影象,
漫步过去的光景.
然后, 遇到一些人...
记忆的潮, 接着,涌了出来,
一点, 一点,一点,
把我淹埋.
车在云雾缭绕的起伏山峰中间穿行,
白色的水气把窗外面的世界浸润着,潮湿成,阴冷的墨绿.
小时侯的,山的,绿色.
人生,就像手里的一本书.
看起来很厚.
排满了长长短短的段落.
读一段, 停一段.
有的时候,午后阳光和煦.
有时,傍晚潮湿昏沉.
人生的章节一起, 一落.
生活的单元一沉, 一浮.
There ain't too much to lose.
I quote the poetry again. 愿逝者安详,生者安康.
W.H.Auden and Funeral Blues
Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
-- W.H. Audenhttp://www.sickee.com/music/funeral.wma
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-10-12 16:53:09 168 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-10-11 Sukida
Sukida
Depressed.
Depressed.
And depressed.
Nothing to do with the film.
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-10-11 01:40:27 221 人阅读 1 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-09-29 Shame on Me China
这个国家让人羞耻
Shame on you 211 Key Uni.
Shame on you Jiangxi Province.
Shame on me China.
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-09-29 23:42:03 144 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-09-23 对我微笑的浪花
我欢喜对你 微笑
你对我轻轻 摇头
我说一些你不懂的话
和潜意识里的 几抹色彩
你笑了 我想
对一个人的认真 原来可以是真的
只是 我 我也笑了
我想 你那里的灯关了 银幕上还映着荧光
你紧紧盯着屏幕 心里damn了该死的制度
随手拿起杯子喝了一口水
你没有看蓝屏的xp关机
安静的目光落在黑着的手机上
修长的手指抚摩手机的轮廓
简讯告诉她晚安
我想 都是 我想的
窗外的摩天轮还在亮
灯光污染挡住了星星的轨迹
我想起许多
不仅是这两年的纷扰
梦里 我见过你
下夜傍晚 你和我走了一段路
很多个房间里 我们同坐在许多人的中间
却 好象什么都没有发生过
只是不明白 梦告诉了我些什么
我不知道 你也不懂
独自在街边小店看到一副画
灰蓝的色调旧旧地从木头的走道延伸进 平静湖水的深处
依依不舍
然后我想 这样人生的一段段等待 好象总那样走着
太小而不懂事的我 总以为没有尽头的我
也有人用生命提醒我 桥的那一头是湖的开始
所以生活里面的人来来去去
天真的我学会了好多不天真的事
亲人把我当做一半大人 告诉我世事的无常和人情的冷暖
害怕的我想钻进外婆大大的怀抱里
那里暖暖的
但是生活里面的人去去来来
好象你 也似他
宁愿相信
在我梦里的出现
只是记忆混乱的偶然
因为人们还是远远的隔着 分开走着
我的胆小告诉我
不要进入别人的生活
其实 我们是可以喜欢很多人的
其实 很多事情 淡淡的
就很好
对我微笑的浪花啊
夏天过了
就不再来
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-09-23 23:49:20 207 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-09-18 关于
有点晚的时候 天就已经黑了
想 冬天也要来了
一个小小的孩子 一颗大大的头
有 一个慈祥的妈妈
但远远地 我们离开了
是 日记里的愿望实现了
孤独 孤独的走
听 不那么简单的调子
放手的蝴蝶 似花儿也去了
念 阴天都嫌多余了
每天的 每天 盲忙的每天
累 睡醒就忘记了
那么多的故事
关于
冬天的松鼠和被人珍藏的松果
关于
拍照片的摄影家和瀑布尼加拉瓜
关于
跋涉旅途的陌生人和遥遥欲坠的梦想
关于
漆黑的回家小巷和烦琐日子的碎片
关于
太多你的和我的和他的
都忘记了
困了
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-09-18 00:32:23 155 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-07-22 Lizzie Borden
THE LIZZIE LEGEND
Lizzie Borden took an ax
Gave her mother forty whacks;
When she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one!
Everyone knows the ditty, sung to the tune of "Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De Ay!" but no one really knows the person behind the song. For more than one hundred years, Lizzie Borden and her hatchet have caused more confusion, speculation and debate than any other murder case in American history.
Who was Lizzie Borden and why should we care so? The American wit Dorothy Parker once wrote, "I will believe till eternity, or possibly beyond it, that Lizzie Borden did it with her little hatchet, and whoever says she didn't commits the sin of sins, the violation of an idol (Reach, 59)." Heady praise from one American original to another -- but an idol?
Lizzie Borden, the acquitted suspect but legendary perpetrator of the grisly double murder of her father and stepmother, becomes in time all things to all people. In the one hundred years since the Fall River Murders, Lizzie has become the subject of plays, movies and one ballet. During her own time she was a cause celebre of a women's movement and an example of Christian piety. Her acquittal is a tribute to the American justice system and its main tenet of innocent until proven guilty. In may ways she is a success story, and it is how her own dark dreams coincide with the America Dream that makes her legendary.
Opinion about Lizzie was divided, even by those who knew her. During her trial, her able defense attorney George Robinson referred to her as "little girl," although she was a stout spinster of 32. No doubt the 12 good men and true on the jury saw her as a defenseless orphan, even if contrived by her own ingenuity. The neighborly Dr. Bowen, who was so helpful to Lizzie during the police investigation, no doubt felt some paternal concern over her, particularly considering the cryptic remark he made when he was caught burning evidence. Lizzie's sister Emma regarded herself as Lizzie's mother after their real mother died, even giving Lizzie her own bedroom after Lizzie's grand tour of Europe. Whatever Lizzie's stepmother Abby thought, she kept to herself -- even when Lizzie killed her cat or complained of her to tradespeople or refused to speak or eat meals with her. Certainly Bridget the maid thought well of Lizzie; she testified in court that she took Lizzie's side in family arguments. Lizzie was grateful enough for Bridget's testimony to buy Bridget a farm in Ireland -- so long as she would never return to Fall River again.
Finally, the question is, what did Mr. Borden think of Lizzie? It would be natural for him to think of his youngest daughter as his "little girl" and treat her as the baby, but was there something else to their relationship? When his mutilated corpse was found, Lizzie's graduation ring was sill worn around his little finger. This happened several months after he beheaded all of Lizzie's pigeons in their barn -- the same barn in which Lizzie supposedly ate pears while his murder took place. Whatever Lizzie Borden was to all these people, she remains a cipher, the empty center to perhaps the most perplexing crime in American history.
网友TMD 做得也太烂了吧? 改来改去, TMD 又改成以前个鬼样子,越来越烦.还嫌不够栏啊?crap!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-07-22 01:41:41 154 人阅读 4 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-07-21 Homecoming Queen
Sparklehorse--Homecoming Queen
A horse, a horse
My kingdom for a horse
Rattling on magnetic fields
Yes i did use up
The last box of sparklers
Before they went bad
Got wet or decayed
Homecoming queen, homecoming queen
Teeth what were sharp
Is ground down and dumb
My crooked spine becoming more brittle
What once grew straight
And tall t'ward the sun
Is absorbing back down
To dirt like a sponge
Homecoming queen, homecoming queen
Homecoming queen, homecoming queen
美国维吉尼亚的独立乐队。
http://www.supernb.com/ash/vol6/saint_mary.mp3
Sparklehorse--saint mary
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-07-21 22:59:24 182 人阅读 1 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-06-30 Ich bin frei!
6月29日
Ich bin frei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
Hurray!! Lol!!  Holiday~!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-06-30 20:37:42 174 人阅读 4 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-06-23 an ecstasy of rage
If there's only ONE place that i hate , it's NANCHANG.
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-06-23 17:32:00 142 人阅读 1 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-06-21 Dear John
6月21日
Dear John
a) Dear John ^^ 
you are like a bear.:) don't have to be the teddy.
but always the best.
b) Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes,
and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit."
i like his cute bag!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-06-21 17:47:24 160 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-06-13 You bored me
:( cry cry
你干脆把我杀了算了
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-06-13 13:14:14 154 人阅读 1 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-06-08 Move out
Im fed up.
Its killing me~
gotta move out!!
i cant takkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke it!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-06-08 08:38:14 172 人阅读 3 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-05-22 Before Sunset
One Word:
Brilliant!
中文名称：日落之前
英文名称：Before Sunset
别名：日落巴黎,爱在日落余晖时,情留相逢时
资源类型：DVDRip
发行时间：2004年02月10日
电影导演：理查德·林克莱特 Richard Linklater
电影演员：伊桑·霍克 Ethan Hawke
朱莉·德培 Julie Delpy
地区：美国
语言：英语
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-05-22 09:00:43 158 人阅读 6 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-05-22 From Dust Till Dawn
One Word:
A-W-E-S-O-M-E
中文名称：杀出个黎明
英文名称：From Dusk Till Dawn
发行时间：1996年
电影导演：罗伯特 罗德里格斯 (Robert Rodriguez)
地区：美国
语言：英语
简介：
Very CD-eMule
http://lib.verycd.com/2004/09/09/0000019951.html
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-05-22 08:54:13 147 人阅读 0 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-05-06 Brokeback Mountain and American Beauty
I've got much feelings after exploring the two.
About life, choices, pain , love and death.
Scaried or confused, moved or grievous , or much much more.
Sad but ture and this is what called life.
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-05-06 23:21:11 171 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-05-05 你的生日
想轻轻地说一声生日快乐。但是即使我在你的身边，也许也只会大大咧咧地张口咬你一下。
我没有勇气说好多话，很多事情似乎也似你无法向我启齿的那样，就独自地撑过去。
我很不明白我们之间的关系。因为我害怕你。害怕得到，但更害怕失去。
那是我离开你以后，很长一段时间没有你的消息，不会给你电话，没有消息的时候，
就好像我倔强离开你身边，再开始担心你，好像外面下了一场大雨，
我虽然眼睛被电脑吸引但是我知道掩饰不了自己的恐惧。因为你在雨里。
许多年前的影象就泛滥了我。也许我不会像小时候的自己，提着雨伞，穿着雨鞋
跟着雨的方向去找我习惯粘的外婆。那种担心你看不到，我不表示。
我很想说对不起。
在两个陌生的城市，两个黄金的假日，我都体验了流离失所和深重的绝望。
对生命的质疑和无依无靠虚无的空洞。
这个懦弱胆小的自己，声称着要坚强独立勇敢的我，
怯懦得想过结束自己。可是，你知道吗？ 这样卑微的人怎么会有勇气面对死亡。
无论是别人的，还是自己的。她其实把自己看得最重要。自私得想不起别人。
即使努力地走，用力的学，还是蜗牛的她害怕寂寞。可是，蜗牛有努力。
你曾经很喜欢说，笨鸟先飞。我想她记住了的。一切都没有那么简单，但却又可以绕个圈子，回到起点。
她想说对不起。在那个陌生的城市，没有勇气说的话和点的头。只有对至亲的人，她才残忍得下去。
走在行色匆匆，忙忙碌碌，说说笑笑地人群中间，把眼泪抹成汗的曲线，
把慌张和害怕藏进瞳孔的深渊。迷失的我想找到你，拉住你，抱着你。
有人跟我说，不要把自己在外面受的伤责备于亲人。
我怎么否认都无法逃脱这句话的刺。
我发觉我是的。甚至责备于所有人。也许说话人并不知道所有，但也许我是的。
<lost>里那个人说。“你只是害怕开始新的生活。你不敢接受现实."
害怕改变.
我已经不敢去想现在自己的思想是勾还是叉,我说过不放弃成长,与别人与陌生人.熟悉的人,与你与我,
我都无法说放弃.我真的不知道处理何时放弃和何时坚持还是不会处理愿意和不愿意,真正懂得自己.
都不重要. 没有人对,没有人错. 只要懂得爬起来,站起来,重新走,就是好的.
当我在冬天听<one for sorrow, two for joy>,歌里面唱"everything is going to be much better in spring."
后来我在春天听别人唱," tomorrow is another day."
然后我醒来,或者睡去,在每个日夜的开始和尽头等到的,没有新的开始. 只有日复一日和周而复始.
人性的真假善恶.都没有那么快看清.
胆小的我内心不敢面对现实. 勇敢的人就算被恐惧笼罩着也抬头上车.
如果没有那么一条路来走,一定要自己试着过去;
没有信仰的神,只有忠实自己和真诚;
没有新的开始,只有一沟一垫的铺展.
胆小如我,坚强如你,这年岁仍远.
我的生日,你似乎总不能成为主角,我的狭隘和倔强从来都抵挡你的关怀.
我总是含着泪水,遥望被爱却不知道珍惜你的爱.
我关上门数落自己的悲哀,却没不知道其实没有放过自己,更伤害了你.
这一年一年的流逝,一月一月的经历,一天一天的走过,我不知自己,不知你.
我知自己的痛苦却不体谅你的. 我知我错却不敢告诉你.
我被你感觉尴尬却不敢面对自己的尴尬. 我才知. 它们都已被你扛上挡住.
我对自己无能为力,想自己站起来.我知道你会原谅我的所有,因为我属于你,属于你身体和灵魂的一部分.
要独立就必须面对所有的一切.记住所有他们教会我的.
对不起. 我让你流的泪伤的心.
对不起,我需要的过程,我会坚持不放弃.
没有人伤害了我,是我自己不让自己安全.
过去不会过去,未来也不会提早到来.
不再依赖时间和空间的刻度,我要努力奔跑让天空赶快晴朗起来.
今天是你的生日.
我请朋友给你发了短信,祝你生日快乐.
我在这个用了很久,废了再收回来的博客里记下此刻的心情,
为我的幼稚和任性道一声对不起.为你的付出和养育说一句谢谢.
妈,生日快乐.
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-05-05 19:48:52 194 人阅读 2 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-04-29 :)
It's Ok. Everything's gonna be fine.
Auf Wiedersehen!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-04-29 08:12:24 100 人阅读 1 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-04-24 4月7日
4月7日
无题
我闭上眼睛 感觉你
温暖轮廓 均匀呼吸
黑垂的天幕
未知是谁
墨绿的爬山虎
沿小巷蔓延
电话响了是空荡的房间
沉寂的微光 何时刻下从前
滴答 滴答
滴答 滴答
滴答
我醒来 凌晨五点
森林的气息浓烈
昨晚去了哪里
房间凌乱
枕边 湿润一片
落幕的电影 我看了三遍
过气的音乐在收音机里嘈杂了好几天
雷雨闪电哄我入眠
丢了玩具的孩子
彻夜不归
没有人路过昙花的那场盛宴
灰毛衣 洗褪了颜色
我找不到街角那间小店
音响店里的人总问我要什么样的音乐
那一张专辑 被忘在角落里
幽绿深谷 清兰一株
我又在梦里迷失
赤裸身体 奔跑林间
梦释说
卑微情感
深藏的孤独
逃无可逃
拉开白色窗帘
阳光透进阴暗的房间
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-04-24 21:35:44 100 人阅读 3 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-04-02 搬家
I'm terribly sorry to have to inform you that I need a change.
Maybe, cuz I'm not sure 2,
and I just fed up wth WangYou's Blog and tedious job ,
Junk.
I gonna emigrate to Spaceman as long as it brings me convenience,
yet one blog will never be satisfied for IvY.
Comes May, we will see.
做一个决定,大概以后网友的这个BLOG也就是你现在正在看的这个BLOG应该不会再更新了. 人们总要做些决定, 需要一些改变. 当然,网友的垃圾BLOG也让我吼叫够了. 所以我受够了写了日志网页无法显示,打不开日志,无法添加MV等等劣质成品以后, 好象在这里写得够多了. 想走了. 当然也许并不一定,但是我应该不会再投入太多来这里,有的话也是音乐这里有音乐的翻唱页面. 活活~ 谁知道呢~~!ANYWAY,地址放在这里了. 活活. 有时间 有空间就去看看我吧. 也许我还会开别的,因为兔子一个洞的话就不够聪明了.哦也~!
With my hand on my heart,
Affectionally, Sincerely ,
Farewell~!
我搬家.
http://spaces.msn.com/ivyjo125
Ok....
In the end,
Warmly Recommend An incredible original song composed by XingXing
And Xuan(beauty) , And Anzi. <雨后咖啡>.
最后, 四月天主打出来啦. 强烈推荐 星星师父, 萱美女, 和安子同学们的作品. (其中一个作品). 你肯定不会错过体验原创音乐的快感.
Check it please and you never gonna miss such fantastic music.
Revive yourself with their music and this outstanding product in the cozy April.
下面的链接会带你进入他们音乐的异想世界.
惬意的四月天,享受美丽声音的舒适吧!
http://ok.wangyou.com/user/play.php?sid=139313
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-04-02 13:16:19 130 人阅读 8 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-03-31 Junk
这个网友实在让人太失望了.
简直就是TMD 垃圾blog一个.
不想再添加任何记忆.
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-03-31 18:44:11 75 人阅读 3 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-03-30 Go and Back to Normal
Have been walking in the air for several days,
Ivy gotta go to back to normal~!
Ivy Come On!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-03-30 12:32:48 84 人阅读 3 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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2006-03-26 BSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Wangyou~~ Damn~
JunK Blog~!
摆摆鱼-你白大大大 发表于2006-03-26 18:52:51 80 人阅读 1 条评论 浏览全文 我要评论
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